Writing from the unique point of view of a suicide survivor who is also a psychologist, Dr. Neustadter presents a selection of the emails she sent to John, her deceased beloved, over the years following his suicide. Documenting the raw emotions she experienced—grief, despair, abandonment, confusion, and the seductive feeling of wanting to die—she seeks to answer the hard existential and psychological questions: Why is this happening? How do I go on with my life without my beloved?