Before I Lose My Own Mind
Navigating Life as a Dementia Caregiver
Drawing on personal experience and written with vulnerability and self-awareness, the memoir–cum–carer’s guide Before I Lose My Own Mind makes caregiving feel more manageable.
Part memoir, part guide, clinical psychologist Beverly E. Thorn’s candid memoir Before I Lose My Own Mind is about caring for loved ones with dementia.
Caregiving is a “volunteer” service that over twelve million people in the US perform, the book notes. Drawing on personal experience—Thorn managed her husband’s dementia diagnosis—it includes guidance for preparing for and living through the “mostly unacknowledged pandemic” of dementia care. It is organized into three parts according to the stages of the disease and how it changes over time.
The book first details the dementia diagnosis, identifying early symptoms and drug trial considerations alongside suggestions for maintaining normalcy. The medical, financial, and emotional hurdles of dementia are covered in turn, with the book encouraging careful planning in the early stages after a diagnosis, while a patient is still able to make independent decisions. For instance, there’s information about dementia addendums to living wills, and a personal example is included in the appendix.
Next, the book covers the disease’s progression, illustrated by stories of the impact of Thorn’s husband’s steady decline. Based on those experiences, it proffers advice on asking for help from family and friends while also noting that some remove themselves from the situation, feeling unable to understand the disease. Tough conversations with family members are also walked through, as are ways to ensure that a caregiver stays healthy through activities like exercise, meditation, support groups, and therapy. And in its final part, the book discusses Thorn’s life after her husband’s passing, addressing grief and the work of finding a new life purpose. Thorn herself chose to stay involved in dementia care.
The prose is lucid and affable, made up of succinct, diary-like essays that humanize the complexities of dementia. Throughout, heavy topics—when to look for a new primary care physician, the timing of hiring in-home help, hospice considerations—are balanced with lighthearted memories, as of Thorn’s husband intending to run errands but instead driving straight into the garage, and of his meticulous preparation when sitting down to eat hot dogs. Elsewhere, delicate subjects, like end-of-life options and the fear of dying, are handled with objectivity and kindness.
Thorn is also a candid narrator who exhibits self-awareness about how her background impacted her caregiving role. She notes that she took a clinical approach to caregiving, sometimes angering her husband. She also recognizes that she experienced denial as his disease advanced. In such moments, her personal experiences help caregiving feel more manageable. And the chapters end with summaries of their insights and resources to simplify the implementation of their information.
Part memoir, part reference guide, Before I Lose My Own Mind is a vulnerable educational tool for fellow caregivers of dementia patients.
Reviewed by
Katy Keffer
Disclosure: This article is not an endorsement, but a review. The publisher of this book provided free copies of the book and paid a small fee to have their book reviewed by a professional reviewer. Foreword Reviews and Clarion Reviews make no guarantee that the publisher will receive a positive review. Foreword Magazine, Inc. is disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.
